* The personnel director was interviewing a job applicant. "Given that you have no experience whatsoever in this field, you're asking for an awfully high salary," she pointed out. "I suppose so," replied the applicant, "but think how much harder the work's going to be if I don't know anything about it."
* "I thought you said you could type eighty words per minute!" the employer complained angrily to her new assistant. "Oh, I can," maintained the assistant airily, "some minutes. Not all of them." * To err is human, but to really screw up requires a computer.
* Sign above bank teller's station: TO ERR IS HUMAN; TO FORGIVE IS NOT BANK POLICY.
* A company we know is encountering so many errors it's thinking of buying a computer to blame on.
* I'm so smart, I never make the same mistakes once! * What do you think of computer dating?
- its terrific if you're a computer.
* A man was startled to hear the young lady next to him say, "Strange, but you look like my fourth husband." "My God!" he exclaimed. "How many have you had?" "Three," she answered smugly.
* Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Divorce: Is like a coffee, both requires grounds.
* A pandhandler walked up to a woman who was just about to go into a coffee shop and exclaimed, "Lady, I haven't eaten in a week." "Wow!" exclaimed the woman, "I wish I had your will power."
* Adam was the perfect figure of a man, and Eve was indescribably beautiful... so where did all the ugly people come from?
* "I've had it with my husband. He's such a clean freak," a disgruntled woman complained to her friend. " Every night he makes me wash and scrub my face." "What's wrong with that?" her friend asked. "Then he wants to iron it."
* "Yeah, Doc, what's the news?", asked Fred when his doctor called with his test results. "I have some bad news and some really bad news," admitted the doctor. "The bad news is that you only have twenty-four hours to live."
"Oh my God," gasped Fred, sinking to his knees. "What could be worse news than that?" he asked. "I couldn't get a hold of you yesterday!" * "We don't mind the wage cut, or the faster assembly line," said the shop steward to the foreman. "but what's this new rule that you ahve to be sick if you want to take a sick day?"
* Employee: "I really need a raise-i've even praying in church for one."
Boss: "How dare you go over my head!"
* Employee: "Three other people have been promoted past me even though I have twenty years of experience in this job!"
Boss: "No you don't. You have one year of experience twenty times-you've been making the same mistakes since you first started."
* "Hey, Mac, why'd the foreman fired you?" asked a co-worker. "You know how the foreman is the guy who stands around watching other people work?" "Yeah, but why'd you get fired?" pursued the employee. "The foreman got jealous-a lot of people thought I was the foreman," replied Mac with a grin.
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